Carlo Ancelotti is confident of landing Rooney - as long as no-one explains to him that the Chelsea Pensioners are all blokes.
Wayne Rooney might be tempted to join Man City on a 230 grans-a-week deal.
Rooney insisted he wouldn't sign a new Manchester United contract without someone reading it to him first.
Rooney wants to go to Juventus - he'll never turn down an approach from an Old Lady.
This is all just a terrible misunderstanding. Rooney actually told Fergie he'd just seen Adam Ant leaving a club.
Wayne Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson have changed their Facebook status from "In a relationship" to "It's complicated".
Odds on Wayne Rooney's next club have been shortened. It's now 8/11 Stringfellows, 3/1 Spearmint Rhino.
After what Rooney's agent has been up to, the Stretford End might have to be renamed soon...
John W Henry has bought Rooney for Liverpool. When he told his manager, "Wayne is on the way", Roy Hodgson immediately put up his umbrella.
Shrek 5 plotline revealed: Lord Farquaad "shocked and disappointed" as Ogre reveals plans to quit Far Far Away.
Ferguson said: "Rooney intimated to me, in his own way, he wanted to leave." Which means he pointed at himself, then the door, then grunted.
The sale of Wayne Rooney couldn't have been better timed, as there's apparently an awful lot of interest in America... going on the debt.
Rooney is planning a move to Real after mishearing that Madrid was "full of lovely Senior Ritas".
"Nice to see your home fans booing you"... You haven't seen anything yet, Wayne.
Rooney was sad to hear of Tom Bosley from Happy Days' death but glad Mrs Cunningham is back on the market.
Rooney's statement was delayed - he broke three crayons writing it
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