Sunday, 9 January 2011

Ashes Jokes 2011 - The Top Twenty

Say, did you know that the Australian's had lost the Ashes?  Well, just to thank them, we thought we would give you the top twenty Ashes jokes currently doing the rounds on a mobile phone near you!

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

Snow White returned to the cottage to find it had burned down. Distraught, she searches for the dwarfs in the forest and hears a lone voice chanting: "The aussies are going to win the ashes, the aussies are going to win the ashes" On hearing this, Snow White gave a little sigh of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe! 

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a Phoenix?
At the end of The Ashes, the Phoenix still has a future.

Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? 
They haven't got any openers ...

What do you call an Australian who is good with a bat?
A vet.

Mitchell Johnson  - two minutes after going out to bat..

What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A bowler. 

I had to borrow a cup of sugar the other day. I asked Shane Watson - but he had run out.

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

The ICC are investigating strange betting patterns on the Sydney test. Someone allegedly put $20 on Australia 

What's the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

What’s the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why don't Aussie fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
Because they never catch anything.

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.


A phone call comes into the Australian dressing room
‘Is it possible to speak to Mr Ponting please?
‘I’m sorry’ says a voice at the other end, ‘he has, gone out to bat’
‘No problem, I’ll hold the line’

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian team?
The woman who ironed the cricket whites.

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
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